i think i have two assholes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
