just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
