Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
