you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
