Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
