when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
