Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
