who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
