you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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