found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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