Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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