But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
