my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
