that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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