Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
