I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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