we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
