I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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