It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
