well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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