2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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