She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
honey bunches of taint.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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