I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
