Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
