I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
