i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
