Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
