just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
