i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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