so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
