I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
