By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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