I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
