Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
