I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
