clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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