I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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