thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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