i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
