I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
