its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
