When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
