so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
