so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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