we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
