just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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