You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
