No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
