I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
