the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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