Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
